Tools & Resources
Simple Tools for Hard Moments
I have curated links to support societies that are partner sensitive, grounding techniques you can use anywhere, and a reading list of books to move you along your path of healing.
Grounding Tools
Tools for Hard Moments
Practical, trauma-informed tools you can reach for when emotions feel big and you need something to hold onto. Simple tools you can use nearly anywhere and anytime you need them — even at three in the morning.
SCIP: A Grounding Tool for When Emotions Feel Overwhelming
Introduced by Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck in her book Betrayal Trauma Anger, Chapter Eight (p. 187)
A four-step grounding method to help you move through overwhelming emotional activation with intention and care.
Emotional Intensity Scale
A simple 0–10 scale to help you check in with yourself and know what kind of support you need in the moment.
Sensory Grounding
A short, trauma-informed grounding exercise you can do almost anywhere. When you are highly activated, less cognitive demand is better — let your senses lead you back. Right where you are begin to orient yourself to the space you are in. Begin noticing...
"What Do I Need Right Now?"
A simple self-check-in to help you identify what you are feeling and take one small, caring step toward yourself.
Community Support and Resources
You Are Not Alone
Healing happens in community. These organizations offer peer support, connection, and resources for women navigating betrayal trauma. The communities and resources listed below are offered for further information and exploration. Inclusion here is not an endorsement of any specific service, program, or provider.
The Sarah Society
The mission of the Sarah Society is to provide a safe place for Christian women to come alongside one another as we walk deeper into our stories and know we are not alone.
We want to empower women with the strength of the Holy Spirit on their journey of healing from betrayal trauma. The Sarah Society envisions a future where every woman finds strength, support, and resilience. Together we are building a community where women emerge from their pain stronger, empowered, and equipped to thrive. There is no cost to join.
Visit The Sarah SocietySeeking Integrity
Seeking Integrity uses the Prodependence approach — a partner-sensitive model that centers compassion and support rather than blame, creating a safe space for betrayed partners to receive the care they deserve. Free support groups are available for betrayed partners. Linking to their site is not an endorsement of their services.
Visit Seeking IntegrityJoy Recovery
Joy Recovery offers education and coaching for both those struggling with compulsive sexual behavior and for betrayed partners. Their work is rooted in compassion, helping individuals and couples find a path toward healing and restored connection. Linking to their site is not an endorsement of their services.
Visit Joy RecoveryCrappy Childhood Fairy
Anna Runkle, known as the Crappy Childhood Fairy, offers practical tools and education for adults healing from childhood trauma and CPTSD. Her YouTube channel, courses, and resources focus on rewiring nervous system patterns and building healthier relationships. Linking to her site is not an endorsement of her services.
Visit Crappy Childhood FairyThe Minwalla Model
Dr. Omar Minwalla's work centers on what he calls Deceptive Compartmentalized Sexuality (DCS) — a framework that names the secret sexual behaviors, deception, and integrity abuse that cause profound harm to partners. His model is deeply partner-sensitive and validating, recognizing the damage done by these behaviors rather than minimizing or pathologizing the partner's response.
Linking to his site is not an endorsement of his services.
Visit The Minwalla Model
Reading List
Books That May Help
These are books I return to and recommend. Some are clinical, some are personal, and some carry a thread of faith. All of them have something worth holding onto.
Altogether You — Jenna Riemersma
An introduction to IFS from a Christian perspective, helping readers integrate all parts of themselves and experience wholeness rooted in faith.
Becoming Safely Embodied — Deirdre Fay
A skills-based approach to healing trauma by learning to feel safe in your own body again. Gentle, practical, and deeply trauma-informed.
Betrayal Trauma Anger — Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck
A clinical and compassionate guide to understanding the anger that arises from betrayal trauma. Introduces the SCIP grounding method used on this page.
The Betrayal Bind — Michelle Mays
Explores the psychological bind that keeps betrayed partners stuck, offering a clear framework for understanding trauma responses and beginning to heal.
The Body Keeps the Score — Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
A foundational text on how trauma lives in the body and what it takes to heal. Essential reading for understanding the physical impact of betrayal and trauma.
Broken to Brave — Tammy Gustafson
A personal and faith-centered story of healing after betrayal, offering hope and practical wisdom for women walking a similar road.
Fawning — Dr. Ingrid Clayton
A deep dive into the fawn trauma response — people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and the patterns that keep us stuck. Insightful and validating for those who have lost themselves in relationships.
From Hardened to Healed — Dr. Debi Silber
Addresses the bitterness and emotional armor that can develop after betrayal, offering a roadmap for softening and moving through to genuine healing.
Her Rites — Dr. Christy Bauman
A beautifully written exploration of women's stories, bodies, and spiritual formation. Invites women to reclaim their voice and identity through a faith-informed lens.
Life Is Messy — Matthew Kelly
A short, honest reflection on loss, grief, and the unexpected paths that lead us back to meaning. Carries a quiet Catholic faith perspective throughout.
Lies Women Believe — Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
A faith-based examination of the false beliefs that keep women in bondage, and the truth that sets them free. Written from a Christian worldview.
A Light in the Dark — Dr. Kenneth Adams, Dr. Mary Meyer, and Culle Vande Garde
A guide for partners of those with problematic sexual behaviors, offering clarity, validation, and a path toward healing and informed decision-making.
Move Toward — Jenn Riemersma
Explores relational healing through the lens of connection and movement toward others and yourself. Grounded in attachment and faith-based principles.
No Bad Parts — Dr. Richard Schwartz
An accessible introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS), helping readers understand and befriend the different parts of themselves that carry pain and protection.
Prodependence — Robert Weiss
Offers an alternative to codependency frameworks, reframing the loving behaviors of partners as strengths rather than pathology. Compassionate and validating.
Rescued Workbook — Shelly Martinkus
An interactive workbook for women healing from sexual betrayal. Includes a faith-based perspective and practical exercises for rebuilding identity and trust.
Soulbroken — Stephanie Sarazin
A memoir and guide for those navigating ambiguous grief — the kind that comes when a relationship or person you loved is not what you believed them to be.
Strong Like Water — Aundi Kolber
Explores what it means to thrive — not just survive — after trauma. Grounded in faith and nervous system science, it offers a vision of flourishing that is both honest and hopeful.
Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal — Dr. Kevin Skinner
Written specifically for those healing from sexual betrayal, this book offers research-backed tools and a clear path toward recovery.
Try Softer — Aundi Kolber
A compassionate invitation to stop pushing through pain and start healing with gentleness. Weaves together neuroscience, attachment theory, and Christian faith.
You don't have to figure this out alone.
These tools are a starting point. If you're ready to go deeper, I'd love to walk alongside you.
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